My imperfection

I did something that I shouldn’t be doing it. It’s the second time. Like what a friend described me, “Fly”. Yes, I fled home. Though it’s not an F1 driving but it was faster than usual. I was completely ruled by my emotion. Whoever obstructed me, I over took them. Whoever slowed down, I have a strong urge to just hit the honk. It didn’t go overboard as I was controlling my emotion with my little sense of awareness. It was a struggle.

I was upset over a small matter. Now that I’ve realized, it shouldn’t be a matter at all. But the main point here is to reasoning. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Why I was upset, why I’m feeling that way and why I’m acting that way. Could it be I want attention or sense of belonging?

I thought and talked about it.

I was surprised that how my emotion can just take its place. I’ve always thought I understand myself well on certain things. Well enough that I think I’m a very patient person with no temper at all. For the past 2 years, it came out clear to notice that I do have a limit. But how far would I go to the max of doing things ruled by emotion is still a question. Base on the last 2 incidents, I can be a dangerous person if I’m not aware. But since when I’ve developed temper and being impatient? Where do they come from?

Sigh. So many thoughts, so many unstable and blur images of me. I'm still in search of who am I and I guess that’s why people keep searching. I’m grateful for what I’ve learnt in the past 2 years of spirituality exercises, not very good but I learn to notice and to be aware of the movements around me and within me.

(Colourful tree trunk, Gloomy weather by the beach)