It was a hard time and a devastating moment for me yesterday. I've received a second blow and it should be more of accepting after the first one but the second one was the greatest that I've felt. It was the one that I have the highiest hope in it. The first blow was last Saturday.I've planned to move back and for the past 6 months, there were no relevant job vacancy that suits me. Till to date, it has been at least 50 applications. At this point in time, I'm totally blank on what is next. Some gave me hope after the interview but it turned out to be false hope.
Probably it's my mindset, it's how I see, judge and perceive things around me. Some advised that one should not have hope because it will make you feel the lowest when you realize that you've lost it totally. But for some, people continue to live on by clinging on the hope. How complicated and a twisted things can be.
In my case, I do not have an open mind and I'm still lack in positive thinking. I don't think moving back is wrong and this is what I've wanted. Looking back, seeking simple life seems not as simple as I thought. Am I being tested on my faith I wonder. Probably God has a better plan for me which I may not know or understand now but it will be revealed when the time comes.
3 comments:
I remembered that feeling before when I tried to look for a job at my hometown. The competition was much higher compare to KL. It'll definitely be harder but the chances are still there. I'm not sure what you meant by lack of open mind though... I hope things will be better for you soon.
Thanks Kim for sharing. I felt I could not accept rejection and should also look at the bright side.
Kat, we often talk of God's will but that is the most difficult desire that all of us have. You did not talk about it as God's will but you mentioned that "probably God has a better plan for me..." The next question would be..what if God's plan was not for you to return Melaka? Hard huh?
We actually do not know all these unless we 'discern' and 'listen' to all that is developing in our lives. A young girl came and told me about her plans. After all the talk, she realised things may not work out well the way she wanted but she still believe it is the best thing for her at this stage of her life. I told her that she may think so but it may not be so and mirrored to her what she told me. Suddenly she saw something but still insisted that it would be better for her though it did not look that good. Dealing with God is often not easy because we cannot see what God sees.
Keep your prayers even though it is difficult or depressing. When your mind comes to peace, you might be able to see things more clearly, and who knows, in the end, it works out for the best of not just you, but all.
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